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tokomon:

mother: is it a boy or a girl?

doctor: *puts baby between teeth* it’s a metaphor

(via soulbros)

Source: tokomon
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garydactyl:

I hit on my friends more than I hit on my crushes

(via distractinghawkeye)

Source: garydactyl
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"I love you, but I’m exhausted."

Source: sarahhswritings
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wildparsnip:

my mom is on the phone with my dad (a microbiologist) and she told him “go to bed, turn off the computer, and just, just don’t do science. don’t do any science”

(via cumberbabesanonymous)

Source: wildparsnip
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spicyshimmy:

spicyshimmy:

*carries a redshirt with me but doesn’t wear it* it’s a metaphor for dying on away missions but i don’t put it on because i don’t actually want to die on away missions

the fault in our star trek

(via queerpunkhamlet)

Source: spicyshimmy
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vivianvivisection:

jonesdavid813:

h0llo:

Putting on makeup is such a spiritual experience I watch myself go from a 3 to a 9 right in front of my mirror I love it

no, if you are putting on makeup, I don’t care who you are or what you look like, you go from about a 10 to 1

keep talking shit you gonna go from a basic ass 2 to a 6-feet-under

(via prvaire)

Source: h0llo
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grantaire:

instead of being in love with people from now on im going to be in love with abstract nearly non-physical concepts like the reverberation of cars on concrete, window shopping, and the lack of permanence in life

(via queenoakenshield)

Source: crutchies
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angryshortfemme:

"I’ve never dated a lesbian but I’ve always wanted to"

??????
You’re a man
Why?????would?????a lesbian?????ever wanna date you????
Do you even know what a lesbian is???

What kind of response to “sorry I’m not interested, I’m a lesbian” is this????

(via prvaire)

Source: angryshortfemme